Suicide is not Painless –
Suicide is the Pain inside before death comes
During my
lifetime, there have been numerous occasions that suicide came to mind, but for
some weird or illogically driven spiritual or ethical reason; although never
committed to carry it out all the way and be successful at killing myself. One of
the first questions people ask is ‘how would you do it?’ first things first, is
the question posed, ‘why do it at all?’ Why would you kill yourself?’ The
answers might surprise you unless you have found yourself inside that circle of
fire, despair or self-pity. The reasons are abundant and not easy to pin down
to just one to cure all inquisitions.
Some people has
expressed suicide because they were lonely and loneliness is a killer for many.
Contemplating a final act to die is not easy. It takes a lot of planning and
courage, yet the oxymoron of this paradox of life and death is that is also perceived
to be a cowardice to die. What is curious is how cultures perceive this final
act to die in different perspectives and make it socially or religiously acceptable
or unacceptable.
Many revealed
their suicide thoughts were major around their puberty or adolescent years with
a special focus on teenage trial periods. This is when they are literally sitting
on the edge of life and death, not really knowing how to deal with their mixed
emotions. One cannot accept the fact that suicide is the ‘easier way out’ when
it is so hard to actually do and do it right. This isn’t about dramatics, this
is about living or dying because of confusing signals, frustrations,
depression, feelings of despair and other negative influences in one’ life.
Nobody likes to
talk about it; ask questions about it and discuss the reasons except to defuse
an ongoing or active scenario where the suicide has begun to act out or take
place. When this happens, it is a very dangerous situation aside from the fact that
you are dealing with faceless strangers, temporarily lost in their own world,
and not recognizing you or anyone else as a source for help or relief of the
inner pain that crushes your heart and breaks it apart. Make no bones about it,
you never know how someone is going to act, when someone you're talking to is
on the edge.
When things get
so stressful and you want to escape, suicide has been known to cure this for
once and for all times. The best defense to despair and stress or high levels
of anxiety is to give that person hope; making them see or feel that there are
solutions around the corner with the help of others and surge an inner spirit
to be able to fight off any suicide urges with sheer willpower and a burning
desire to live. To tell them it’s a wasteful terrible thing to do does not help
the reasoning for living.
Suicides are high in teenagers,
veterans, transgendered persons, elderly and others diagnosed with a serious
mental illness or physical or medical disabilities. The list is endless and for
each of them, they are all feeling desperate in times where their lives feels
like a living hell. Personally, my life has touched base with many aspects of
hopelessness, abandonment, guilt, loneliness and much more. I have never
condoned the act of suicide but I understand the journey a person takes to
commit to it; they journey is more pain than anyone can ever imagine. I have
made partial journeys that brought me to the point of decision and my decision
has been to remain among the living for the time being.
Erroneously, I thought of suicide
as a basic form or relief, comfort for myself and others and knowing that
finally, all that has happened will end. The older I get, the easier it is to
accept death. The matter at hand is when, how and why it happens, I suspect
that someday, my means to end it all might come to a reality between wanting to
live and wanting to die. I also suspect the reason for such thoughts would be a
‘burden’ to others as your life is sustained on a partial but temporary level
the older you get.
Then the other side of the
paradigm is the loss and how it impacts those you love and who you feel are
carrying the ‘burdens’ of your life by helping you go through the end of days
with as much comfort, reasoning or understanding, as possible. This has been a
positive deterrent for many who have loving spouses, family and friends who
support them always. Not wanting to destroy what they have for you, you owe
them to live and die a natural death. In this case, death is not an escape, it’s
just not a justified reason to die anymore.
Life has a light switch that can
make the perception light or dark – how you live, feel and rationalize whatever
you have or deal with makes the trigger to turn the light on or off. As long as
you live in the light, your life is meaningful, fulfilling and contributing
those things you care for and the people you love. When your life goes dark,
nothing else matters and the darkness gives you the courage to take a leap to
the dark side without intentions of ever coming back into the light. For many,
they are unable to find the light switch, one more time and turn the blackness
into light.
Rationally, these thoughts won’t
end anytime soon. Even rational people suffer from their own delusions. How it
affects them will differ but many will find ways to keep up with life or let it
go. Whether you stop eating, drinking or both, pop the pills, asphyxiation,
hanging or shooting yourself - you have
kept your mind on doing it with some kind of Grace and Honor but in reality,
you know that is all BS, as you grew up there was no Grace and no Honor in committing
suicide.
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