How Corrupt are our Government Leadership with Dirty Hands?

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Sleeping in the Alley - A visual poem about our homeless veterans

Carnival of Life - a metaphor of life

Dying at Night

Fire & Ice - A twisted desire - a visual poem

Fire & Ice - A twisted desire - a visual poem

Alone in the Redwood Forest - A PTSD visual poem

Alone in the Redwood Forest

 

Alone in the Redwood Forest

 

Last night I looked up in the sky and felt a deep painful sensation penetrating my heart.

The dark black draped sky covered the billion stars that usually blink at me as I walk the dark alone

It was so harsh, so unexpected and most of all, it took my breath away, making me feel dizzy and lightheaded like never before I could recall

Except that time when I came back from the war and on my knees I fell, and thanked you from my heart so grateful, that like so many other, in the battle I did not fall

 

I wanted to feel alive again, I wanted to be free of worry and pain

I knew that running away was not the answer, so here deep in the forest I must stay until I could figure out a way

In time, I could breathe again, the pounding on my chest had stopped and the pain was almost completely gone

Staring up to the sky through the tall tall trees, I felt a lump in my throat and began to ask God why? Why do I feel this pain inside me, oh Lord, what have I done?

Do I not call you my Father, do I not embrace your only son? So tell me Lord, what evil sin have I done?

 

For years, I have been feeling lonely, oh not the kind where you are alone, but when you feel an emptiness inside you, a rapid heartbeat and a conscience that wouldn’t leave me alone

It happens each and every single time, I think about the past, and those who I had loved once before are now in heaven and already gone

I can’t forget their faces, I remember the obsession of them hanging around, I can sense they are basking in the sunlight, their trouble no worries no more

I detect they have changed and different, since the time they left and went away

There must be a way where I say “I love you” and let them know this each and every day

 

So when I feel like this, I head out to the forest, where my eyes are adorned by lush filled green leaves and wild flowers all around me

Each tree is full, each branch is dancing in the wind and down on the ground I can see and smell the fresh growth of moss on their trunks covering them making the trees ready for winter

Right beyond the trees, I knew were the red rock cliffs and caves in every nook and cranny where the animals rest when winter snow falls

Up in the sky, there are birds chirping and singing, as I can hear Mother Nature’s calls

 

The clarity and simplicity is what my head needed to see what life was all about and how I had drifted so far away, I forgot how to be enchanted by the silence and the beauty all around.

I wish I could bring this cluttered tree formation with me wherever I go

I wish I could smell the fragrance of the hundred shades of green as the sun peeks through the leaves and lets me know it’s the perfect time of the day to pray

And thank my God for the blessings bestowed upon me, and those with who I share life with and love forever with me stay

It’s a perfect time to make peace with inner self so that the pounding heartbeat fades and brings me back to the comfort and redwood-filled oasis surrounding me and let me know, I am prepared for the change of season and reason under the stars of heaven and God’s purpose in keeping me safe

 

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Jodi Arias, the Monkey Queen - a fairy tale on YOUTUBE

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The Owl, a Metaphor for Traveling Alone in the Darkness

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Grandparents, the Silver Years - Special things in Life

Silver Years - Special things in Life

 

The days are filled with special sweet tasting seconds, they range from laughter all the way to tears. As grandparents we often wonder, where did all the time go, where are all the years? Looking back into the rearview mirror, we could see the reflections of those special things in life. Even if it was just a passing moment, the price we paid was worth the ride.

Getting old is really a bargain for many grandparents, for it gives them back some value in their lives as well as their social needs. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well together is the fact they have more in common and less fear from each other than any other enemy around, for their relationship has no rivals and has no stress to be found.

To grandparents and grandkids, money is no object. I doesn’t know the true value as before. For the change in my pocket I give to them almost daily, has given me million dollars’ worth of pleasure and joy. We hug them tightly each night as they go to sleep, a watchful eye over them we keep. Inside they know grandma or grandpa will be there, just in case the boogey man gives them a scare.

Each of us as grandparents are little boys and little girls inside. The fact that we were once young and energetic we cannot hide. Because we were once a little one, we know how important it is to have some fun. Perfect love does not come so easy these days, as the morning sun burns off the dewy haze. A child needs a grandparent around, so in the end, a little more love can be found.

A house needs more than a television to babysit the kids. It needs a human being with sensory feelings to bring out the essentials that life has to offer each and every child around. A television cannot give the child what it really needs, which is unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor and most importantly, something special made to put in their mouths.

Like the cookie grandma makes or the popsicle grandpa bought from the ice cream man, who knows for sure when he rings the bell on his slow moving truck, the group will stand there on curb, with money in hand and give him his best luck.

There are rare misunderstandings, for we accept each other the way we are; without question or lecture, there are no efforts to change behaviors or change bad habits but rather our lives depend on mutual trust and respect to help each other through good times and bad, until they are grown and have their own children. We may disagree but never fight so the end result turns out mostly right.

Being a grandparent means you are all in – no conditional betting, no reserve to pull out when the stakes are too high and the tension is thick. You can use all the wisdom and all the love you have to bring about their uncertain feelings and bridge any generation preceding us with love and understanding that builds a mutual trusting foundation as you stack each day with another brick.

Grandparent know and understand that there is still some responsibility left and taking care of them the best they know, is still a job but that they can also always be friends. It is true, when they enter the door, the discipline flies out the window but there are limits and limits are clear as both grandparents and grandchildren work hard on learning to share.

Buying Chocolate for the Workplace - a metaphor for hiring a new employee in the workplace

Buying Chocolate for the Workplace

[A metaphor for hiring a new employee]

 

As many already know, chocolate is an amazing mood altering sweet-smelling substance that can be manipulated in many remarkable ways, but because it is special and remarkable, it must be handled and treated carefully as it is environmentally sensitive to changes in handling and temperature, and if care is not properly taken, it will melt ruining the texture and taste of the product risking a permanent damage to the purpose of choosing chocolate in the workplace.

The quality of the chocolate chosen for the workplace will be primarily determined how you desire your finished product to taste or be textured. Remember all chocolates are not equal and in general, there are strong correlations between quality and price. Your skills to choose good or a poorer quality of chocolate will be tested.

This is not to say you should always settle for the more expensive price but you must be aware that high quality chocolate with large amounts of the main ingredient, cocoa, will cost you more than inferior counterparts and should be a consideration in this process.

Selecting chocolate should primarily be a sensory experience. Use all five senses to determine the reality of the chocolate being appraised. This means that before you choose it or taste it, look at it closely and determine if that is the look you want. Do you want a glossy kind of chocolate with no blemishes or do you care whether or not the surface is scared, cloudy, or gray?

This is a sign the chocolate may not be fresh or old. Do not let that discourage you. Be patient, there are always reasons why it looks the way it does. Remember that looks can be deceiving and what may look old or not so glossy on the outside, the taste may be just right on the inside. What is most important to remember is that whether the chocolate is fresh or old, the quality you are looking for is the match to the chocolate’s environment.

You see, you have to pay attention to the environment as chocolate will pick up odors from its environment. So be aware, if the chocolate smells like coffee, tea or other aromatic foods or substances. It may have been contaminated by others rubbing their fingers all over the surface and although it may smell like chocolate, it may not taste like it. Good chocolate will smell strongly of chocolate. As you can well, imagine, this factor detracts from the chocolate looking fresh or new as it may be tainted inside.

When all is said and done, you have to make a decision which chocolate is the one you want and which is the best for the workplace. Trust your taste buds and go with your chocolate preference of your choice. The preference should be very personal and only you know what good taste is in the end.

There are two main rules for handling chocolate in the workplace. The first rule is to never ever let chocolate come into contact with people who are sour and who provide the heat for the workplace. The chocolate is sensitive to heat and melt ruining its intended use and flavor. Chocolate tastes the best when indirect heat is applied and applied at small intervals of time. This process is called tempering.

Tempering refers to a process of heating and cooling a substance which in this case is chocolate. Tempering may be applied to many substances, people or things. It is not difficult to temper something. It takes little practice and little skill but overall, with a steady hand, it can become second nature.

Caution is needed when tempering something is critical. When you apply heat or cold in excess you can make the substance brittle and break it. Not all chocolate needs to be tempered. Some are naturally sweet and do not need tampering with as it might ruin the texture or flavor. Chocolate comes in soft and hard products or texture and each has its own special purpose in the workplace.

Tempering can produce a stable, beautiful and appetizing candy if you treat it right. On the other hand, if you tamper with what is determined to be already great tasting, good flavored chocolate, you can ruin not only the texture but the perception as well. Keep the chocolate real if you want great results

The good thing about tempering chocolate is the fact you can do it without any special equipment or great deal of attention to detail. This makes working with chocolate so much easier and cost effective. The only drawback of tempering chocolate is sometimes, time and patience are in short supply and you might find yourself looking for a tempering shortcut.

Such a shortcut is sugar coating a substitute for chocolate but remember it is not really chocolate. It may look like chocolate and somewhat taste like chocolate but it has no real cacao and is artificially flavored. When you sugar coat something to make it look like chocolate, you can give it different flavors and make it in dark, milk, and white varieties. In all reality, its taste does not compare to the real chocolate.

 

My Country Tis of Thee - Tricked into thinking Doom

My Country Tis of Thee - Tricked into thinking Doom

April 8, 2015

Don’t you wonder sometimes what people are thinking when they see or hear what you wrote or said and that you are standing on the wrong side of the road? Is there a point that comes along somewhere along the line that makes you realize how screwed up they are for making you think you are the one who is doing the wrongful thinking? Don’t they realize it’s them who are on the wrong side of the road?

I know today, whether you live in South Carolina or North Dakota, there are people who refuse to accept or acknowledge that their thinking is wrong and that we are not doomed for an apocalypse or damnation and that if you follow history, this is just another phase of change our country endures as it struggles with the war on drugs, culture, aggression, religion and many more as it comes to us on the high density screen and carried by various major media networks, each telling their own version of the story and the basis for their truth.

Every day, we are told of the dangers caused by extremists around the globe. Each and every morning we wake up to an act or war or criminal passion that devours the Christian soul and the levels of understanding you acquire when you grow up and follow your beliefs and customs to please yourself and others quoting the Golden Rule but very rarely seeing it happening around your own little world.

We petition the destruction of fracking, we want to change the world in climate control and what we eat as our produce and cattle are genetically altered with hormones and substances created my man to make more food, but take in less in nutritional value and impose new limits on our health. We tout our politicians to protect us as they focus on protecting themselves first disregarding our Constitution and making laws that restrict and impede our God given rights and well-earned privileges with excessive taxes and punishments for acts allowed by God but denied by mankind.

We stand our ground to defend ourselves as the cultural mood shifts from decade to decade eroding the soul and breaking the hearts into pieces as families suffer and families divide under the social pressures that races splits and divides neighborhoods and pit cops versus law abiding citizens as the innocent children watch from afar, keeping their play guns out of sight.

Elders shake their heads as they look outside their houses from their obstructed view as they installed extra locks, and iron barred storm doors and windows  to separate what the air we breathe divides.  Our taxes are spent on foreign wars so the foreign oil can be secured and sold with profits on Wall Street as our refineries are filled with surplus oil and products, yet the price of a barrel stands steady on the rise.

My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of whom I sing, where have the churches gone, where are the peacemakers and when will our conscience return back to us as it was robbed one night when Congress passed the Patriot Act and took away our freedom to move from border to border without an ID card in our pockets.

Living from one decade to the next of being black or white has changed colors to red, and brown and many more. There are no barriers in race yet the bi-racial children feel the hate and resentment knocking on their doors.

They can see the fire in the eyes of those who want the perfect race, the abundance of hate-crimes and the intrusive manner government has set the rules to incarcerate every young man of color and either make them join the army, leave the country or become servitudes to the cause and powers in place no matter where they live.

Our country is not at a point of doom, there is no apocalypse and there is no end of the world sign on the street corners. We must all belief there is a God, a loving God, who will bring us back together as one and as we believe the word to be truth and the truth shall let you see the light of what has been spoken of for centuries and always come true.

Yes, we have endured wars, famines, hate riots and lynching of innocents and guilty as we are surrounded by terrorist carrying bombs and explosive materials from one country to another, blowing up planes in the sky and the local market between shopping malls and business trade centers.  We’re talking about acts of war and witness poverty around us as the poor remain poor and the rich get richer.

We can’t blame this on Islamic terrorists, although your Congress may want you to feel that way. They want you to focus your hate on foreign soil as our men and women toil the spoils of war for them and those who hired them in their pockets to make more bullets, guns and rockets for the sake of peace and keep the threat of war under control of those who have the power.

You must have guessed by now who are the handful of nut jobs out there, the “lone extremist” and wackos who are telling you the world is doomed. As they endorse the consecrated acts of burning our flag and stomping on our Bible, they falsely hail the banner of righteousness in the name of liberty and justice.

It isn’t just the KKK who are spewing hate and vitriol all around the world. Look around and you will see, it might just be the man or woman you elected to office or the kind neighbor who lives next door. You might not see there motive, their agenda to change the world. But what you know now should open your eyes and believe for yourself that the only doom there is lays silently inside your heart and silent it will remain until you become courageous enough to say it’s over, and that you won’t take this anymore as enough is enough

Take back your political clout and honor. Re-visit your power to vote and make it count. Don’t shed your responsibility to be honest and do what you know is in your heart.  Never mind the threats or fear that exists around you. Never mind these doubts or uncertainties you have and speak your mind. Do not paint yourself an apathetic loser and take back what you know was once yours or mine.

These wackos want you to surrender. They want you to quit and raise your hands up high and give them the power to unleash even more hate and wrathful pain through taxes and more constraints. With faith we can overcome every obstacle. Having faith has proven to erase the ability to discriminate if you believe in God and all men are created equal we must stand together and prepare for a long ended fight.

We have to challenge the bigotry, the generational cultural discrimination and the institutionalized level of fear. We can’t stop them all at once but by voting them out of office, one evil at a time, we can conform again to the Golden Rule and paint ourselves as modern day heroes or crusaders as we lift our righteousness sword to the heavens and pledge God Almighty a victorious fight.

I don’t have to wonder, who is wrong and who is right. None of these wackos will ever admit they were in the wrong as that proclamation will not come without a fight. This time it is not about color, this time it’s not about sexual orientation or the wealth in your pocket. It’s not about gaining “religious freedoms” as you have had them all the time.

This time it’s about thinking about tomorrow. This time it’s about our country who has suffered and this time it is about the control we have or forfeit if we give into the will of dominion. For it’s about dominions and not the matter of color, race, creed, belief or orientation. Cast aside those bible thumping thieves in the night who stole your very soul on the pulpit of hell when you gave them control.

This is about your God given right to raise your children.  Remember that believing in God is not a religion. It’s not about their satisfaction but what is important for yours. We have given the evil a license to discriminate and they have abused their welcome. They need to move along and either change direction or cast themselves in hell.

Take back our Ten Commandments; take back our nativity scene and praise our Lord’s Prayer out loud in our schools and public places. Don’t let them criticize you without impunity, don’t let the rule over you and call you a lesser man. What is their true intent is slowly showing. Their agenda has been flawed from beginning to the end.

Show your disgust for their license to discriminate. Show your disrespect for their cursing of your rights to co-exist in peace and harmony regardless who you choose to be with in your own house or table. Be careful how you define the agenda of conservatism – be aware of false prophets and the message they bear. We still have the First, the Second, the Third, the Fourth, the Fifth, the Sixth and many more Constitutional amendments to protect us. Don’t give them to the Devil and let them rule their evil might.

If you doubt what I said then ask yourself, “Why are they attacking the ones who call themselves real Christians?” what is it they fear from those who still believe in heaven above? Open your eyes and see how their claim to persecution, is really a ploy to defeat you and your principles by modern day hypocrites and those seeking more dominance from you as you have shown your heart belongs to the real God above refusing to give dominance to them as they strangle you economically, financially, and impose on you a burden, that should have never been blessed from above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Metaphors are Culturally Driven

Metaphors are Culturally Driven

By Carl R ToersBijns

April 8, 2015

 

Why do we like to use metaphors and how does that impact my way of words and expressive behaviors as we try to create a moment of poetic creativity in a cognitive and linguistic manner so I can be sure the words used and written reflect the actual thoughts and perceptions of my mind.

The answer is not that simple but when you search deep within yourself, you eventually find what you are looking for and see for yourself how metaphorical creativity present you with a conceptual moment and a manipulated idea to share devices of the mind and come to a conclusion that is easy to understand as it draws cognitive and graphic creativity for you to see with your own mind and within your own culture.

Cultures are hinged on perceptions, beliefs, customs and practices. To put credibility on such effects there must be the use of the imagination as well as the presence of elaboration to clarify thoughts or ideals through the use of words. Each language has its own set of words but the words can change meanings unless the use of metaphors steers it into the direction provided by the author for such ordinary but important purposes as communication and journalism.

Perhaps the use of metaphors is more imaginative in poetry than journalism but the need to balance between fact and fiction has always been the key to skillful writings. Although we give more lateral movement to poetry, we should also include a defined latitude in journalism so we can distinguish the difference between the creativity involved and the manipulation of desired outcomes and ideas.

We all possess a fair amount of creative and cognitive devices. We all learned that metaphors can be used to be factual in nature but exaggerated in expression. Thus we balance the two in order to keep the elements clear and not formulate or design more than one train of thought or pattern.

This is most difficult to do and maintain over a long period of time as the metaphorical creativity tends to dominate the need to go even further into the creative world and device some kind of vision for you to see. Hence, the challenge is to keep it in context as much as possible without straying or going off on a tangent.  

Under most circumstances, people, different people but ordinary people, conceptualize an idea or thought metaphorically and do so to better understand the idea under the pressures of comprehensive skills and their own personal experiences. In such cases, we must be assured the metaphor is kept within the context provided or intended in order to create a reflection of the truth or actuality.

Under the burden of being persuasive, we have to work under the pressure of comprehension and context. One cannot accomplish facts without the other if you are using metaphors as a means to convey an idea or concept. Keeping in mind, context can be used in poetry in two ways; poets can designate or elaborate the context in which they create the poetry and they may use the context as a means to say or express something else.

In journalism, the poetry is eliminated by the use of a straightforward example of describing the scene or concept disallowing any creativity to set in, making the situation appear to be a black and white situation or case remembering that the context is the scene and the scene has to be preserved with facts to tell the truth.

While journalist are injecting and producing the context (scene) in an almost literal manner, they do use adjectives and other forms of descriptive nouns to keep it real. This does not mean they can’t use that description of the surrounding context without metaphors. Keeping the context literal and enhancing its surroundings with metaphors appears to be an acceptable manner to express the description.

Here the context remains the domain and the metaphors are working the edges of the surroundings creating a pleasant mix of creativity with factual data or descriptions. Thus the writer has two targets; the context and the surroundings with each its own domain.

The descriptive statements must match the domain and to mix or combine the two would only cause a confusion of the facts when the metaphors used are describing something other than the original domain of context.

The point here is to simply ensure that the dominant literal description of the context is not tampered with by the use of certain metaphors not remarkably general in nature and distracting certain concepts or facts from the source of the domain (context) rather than the surrounding perspectives.

Changing cultures changes the meanings of perceptions and descriptions provided adding confusion to the meaning of such writings. The writer has to focus on the dominantly literally conceived source or context when it intends to convey a message or description.

Separating context into a cultural context, we change the choices of the scene partly due to motivated customs and practices as well as beliefs and traditions. It is true that a symbolic belief is different from various parts of the world and this adds another concept to the use of metaphors in our writings making it very important to understand the differences between cultural diversities around the globe.

Adding another dimension to the cultural context is the surrounding physical cultural environment. It is important that the writer maintains a defined line in the relationship between the scene and environment.

Keeping it culturally accurate in order to convey personal relationships or physical connections validated through various cultural means keeping in mind that some cultural inferences are based on human biology and how that gives the character or descriptive personality linked to the contextual domain described. This is how we create misunderstandings and metaphors just add more to the confusion if the link is not properly connected to the cultural context described.

This the cultural context includes many things including the belief systems, the technology available to the persons or character and other various specific forms of cultural variations either geographically, ethnically or religiously.

One could not begin to talk about cultural influences without talking about social implications or social context. Remember the conceptual creation is based on the main form or domain of the context provided. This cannot change under most circumstances.

We cannot confuse the main domain with a target domain. We cannot construct a new structure out of the original structure as it changes the meaning or context as well as the metaphorical efforts to describe the surrounding environment. They are all connected and all related at one point of the concept and that domain is a fixed or permanent domain.

Removing the original social structure or context creates a new social structure or context. This must be avoided unless the writer deliberately changes the meaning of the primary domain and creates a new target domain on purpose. This can be done accurately if all methods are used to harmonize the context and surroundings to a common theme or conceptualization.

I found this analysis helpful in my writings and pay attention to not overly combine the effect of these metaphorical factors or influences in my writings. I have become more aware of the blending factors and how they change the concept or context unintentionally. Thus the interaction in using metaphorical induced ideas or concepts should take into consideration all what has been noted to be an integration theory that makes the motivation to input metaphors into the works accurate and reasonable under such recognized factors.

I am not suggestion writing a conventional style metaphoric paper. I am merely suggesting that context of writings can be changed unintentionally when they are modified in response to contextual factors such as was written in this paper.

Concluding my thoughts, we should keep in mind poems and poetic languages sometimes disregard cultural social and personal backgrounds of the reader possibly distorting the original idea or approach. Secondly, there are social and historical as well as technological perspectives or concepts we have to include or be aware of to avoid contradictory views or mixing context rather than building natural bridges of comprehension and systematical views.

The use of metaphors can be a natural and educating experience in the writings of poetic materials or in journalism. These views have long been supported by the current use of metaphors in various context and stories. In a critical climate as we live in today, we actually stand to be at a greater risk to offend or underestimate the degree of accuracy between what is written and what the writer actually wanted to convey to the reader.

Citation:

Reading the writings of Zoltán Kövecses

“Metaphor and poetic creativity: a cognitive linguistic account”

Eötvös Loránd University Budapest

 

Icicles hanging from my head

Icicles hanging from my head

By Carl R ToersBijns

April 8, 2015

Some say it’s cool to having icicles hanging from my head, they draw such clear crystal clear streaks and make me look so beautiful and cool standing in the sun, but deep inside these spikes of ice, there is trouble deep brewing inside my head that is making me feel cold and old mixed with emotions not new

Because I let those very same frigid conditions form these icicles hanging from my head, I have to deal with my snow covered emotions and freezing water inside my veins causing me to be damned and dammed from the world and separated from the warmth and comforts I once knew, before this ice lifeform appeared and made me turn blue as if I was ready for the dead

Icicles can cause so much damage, it has never really been told, no one who wears them so proudly on the sides of their heads, has ever been so bold, to loosen up and tell the truth, when icicles melt and pour out your concentrated contaminated soul, your troubles are far from over, as your begin a new life in dealing with this emotionless cold

The results are not pretty, the once smooth skin just peels away like a snake when it sheds its skin, and the body warps and twists with pain as you begin to realize the sagging discomfort inside you will sadly forever stay

I cannot forget to mention the dampness you feel inside and the soggy feelings about others you once knew, as you felt the loss of valuable warmth dissipate into the once blue sky above your head, now covered with grey and stormy clouds

Icicles can bring you mold and mildew as you wake up each morning with the frozen morning dew, as you realize so sudden, you have become a magnet for anything that draws the heat away from you

As the frozen masses melts into icy water and runs sadistically through your vessels including the brain; no matter how hard you tried to shake it, the freezing water runs freely through your veins and avoids your body from making the heat to make it all go away and no longer make you feel this way

As time passes by, you realize your icicles may stay around forever if you let them, as you realize there are no quick fixes to the frosty temperatures around you and the icy emotions that it mixes, so you dam up your soul and you dam up your heart, without the heat inside your body, no healing will ever start

As time causes the freezing water to flow up to these dams above, your mind and soul escape the desires and wants of a bountiful kind of human love; thick ridges appear, your skin appears solid for this lifestyle you have chosen as the frozen hate inside of you has put out the fire of passion and desire to become a loving being again; in your mind you know the truth, you know which way to let the water flow and let this coldness go

If you let the freezing water collect in the chambers of your still warm but broken heart, the heat will collect and form an accumulated collection of fond memories and faces of people who you have long ignored and return your life back to normal with a warm and cozy thawed out start; But whatever you do, don’t hack away at the ice or frozen mass with chisel, hammer or any other dangerous tool; for the damage done if you hack it away will turn you into a bigger fool

A fool who will do more damage than good, a fool that could throw everything precious away, as you lay new seeds around your feet and take the time to ask for blessings and pray

When you find God, the icicles will disappear – word

 

My head in a Vise

 

 I would never suggest you place your head in a vise and try to imagine the pain I feel is real

Tis too painful to do and experience as you may already know if you have fallen in love with romance and career unless your heart is made of steel

There is no other way to express the pain and frustration than telling you plainly, the truth as it hurts

My head in a vise only expresses my objectified pain and suffering like no other emotion as my words are just a bunch of senseless blurts

The romance was doomed from the moment I met you, standing there in all your beauty and glory

There was no way I could be free and at the same time be with you, it could by no means be a never-ending story

My career skyrocketed as the day was long and the pay was abundantly generous, but knowingly, missing you would make me sad and blue

I couldn’t have asked for a more complex moment to decide which one it was I wanted most

And wouldn’t you know it, the boss said it can’t wait as he wanted me to fly now, way over to the west coast

Knowing I can’t have both and that no matter how hard I attempted or try to hold onto my boo

The most powerful component, gluttony, took over and caused me to choose the job over you

Time did not allow me to make up my mind, the way my heart was telling me to think

And herein lies the problem, for the pain inside me, is knowing I will never see you again

Cause I am being awfully selfish and rather be me, than see you in my plan, not knowing when I could see you again as I close my eyes and blink

In lost time and painful reflection, my changeability and mindset took toll and I was missing you so bad

Every day I was awake, as I woke up to go to work feeling oh so lonely and sad

Shaking my head, talking to myself and saying don’t make any excuses and do not living with any regret

My heart kept aching as it was breaking, as your sweet smile and memory I could never forget

And with every empty moment in time, the voices of us being together come back

So instead of walking with my head in the clouds, my head was in vise

Sometime back, I remember a friend telling me the truth, and giving me advice

She said if you love her, you choose love over greed rather than the desire to succeed

But if your mind is set on making the big time, then it is time for you to move ahead

Sitting here with a splitting headache with a vise clamping down on my head

I should have walked away from greed, I should not have wanted so badly

So here I am, alone in my platinum covered with glass penthouse pad

Knowing it was the wrong message for my heart and my head when looking back at what I have become

And suffering daily with an existing mental concept that I want you back

I am crying out loud now, suffering the consequences of my head tightly twisted and feeling very bad

I try to convince myself it’s all in my head and that I am not really feeling so sad

Ignoring the totality and facts, that I have fallen off my perch up there in my penthouse pad

Making the lushly green colored money and knowing it’s all in my overprized head

I can feel the instability and pain appear again, as a solo tear falls from my eye down my cheek

Thinking how my life has turned into darkness with my broken heart feeling oh so blue and bleak

Working hard on trying to explain this metaphor of my head being inside a vise driving me mad

I toss and turn each night I think of you, as I lay still here in my exaggerated lonely king size bed

But no matter how hard I try or cry to leave your memory or face behind, the vise is still tightly wrapped around my head

 

Putting my Demons Asleep

Putting my Demons Asleep

 

There is more to what you can see or feel, there is more than I can share

For what is within me, does not care for you or me, or whether I sleep or stay awake all day

As long as I feed it the evil it needs, so more evil it can make, it will host my body and stay

I am but a mortal soul, never claiming to be anyone else, especially those who think they were made out of clay

 

Look into my eyes and see the darkness, look into my soul and see it bare all it can bring of  care

There are no brittle bones that hold me together, there are no feelings I can spare

Don’t get to close to me, please don’t waste your time and don’t ask me what I think,

For how I feel, nobody cares and inside my body hides the darkness that evil brings from inside of me, as my heart and mind when free of evil, beg me to see a shrink

 

I can feel a tug of war, deep inside my soul; it feels like demons and angels hard at work

Confusing my head, twisting my thoughts and making my life a clockwork of a guessing game

Seeking out the few who still love me no matter what, and scorn those who fail to see the cause or blame

Of those who hide so deep inside of me, to drive this crazy ride, a ride from hell without a grip of my hands, feeling oh so frail

So tell me how my demons act, please tell me you are not too afraid to talk to me, or listen to my horror story or tale

 

To tell me the truth, and show me some love, as the demons come and go as they please, leaving my heart often broken and feeling shattered and stale.

Just talking about the evil inside me, has turned your skin so wet and pale

The fear in your eyes tells me so much has been taken away, so much has gone astray

If I push you away, it means I care, for the demons inside me make me want to protect you and keep you safe from their deeply entrenched hidden evil power

It’s not at all like it seems as you think I live inside a penthouse up there in the ivory tower,

 

So if I feel weak or strong it really doesn’t mean a thing for real, as it is the demons inside that control the mood to work or when I look like I want to play

When these demons work, they devour the drowning spirit and when at play they give me away, surrendering to other mortals seeking fun and making me miserable and making me pay

Mistreating my heart and soul, and eating my flesh as they tear me apart like a slaughtered prey

Tossing me around like a rag doll and feeding me like a homeless getting a hand out on a plastic tray

 

With demons awake, I cannot not breathe, as they take away from what love I need the most

Leaving me the heartbeat of an undead man and giving me the shell of a manly ghost

So I try to make them sleep, and arrange some kind of peace inside of me, serving them as a rudderless host

As I often admit to fail to manage to make them fall asleep, therefore keeping me awake and cause me more pain, a promise to tell all, I cannot keep

Sending sharp telepathic messages to my head, and shut me down as these electronic waves, short circuit the thoughts inside my brain, making me lose control and say those things that demons say

Whether they are at work or play or dead or alive, as I continue to be their vulnerable prey

Never leaving the darkness, not even close to grey, they stay inside me and cause me to forgo me the ability to pray

 

 

Driving on the Dark side of the Road

 

Well, you should know me by now, there should be no wondering why or cry

No matter how hard we tried, it will never make it right and we will never do it right

I woke up at the crack of dawn, with a rooster crowing in the dark some distance far away

Waiting for me to softly close the backdoor, and never looking back anymore,

I had nothing else to say, and if you look out of your window, I will be gone forever,

Never looking back, just leaving you a note on the kitchen counter,

Telling you gently, I will be moving on and follow those lonely railroad tracks

 

Turning on the car lights, as I glide silently out of the driveway, I shed a solo tear

Slowly, I turned around to see if you are there looking out the window, but nobody is there

Not a light is on in the house, and nobody cares as I glance once more in the rearview mirror

And as I put my head down in despair, I gaze up to the stars up in the sky, breathing the cold dry morning air, thinking again of hiding from the light

 

I wondered why we always changed our minds, I wondered why we could never see the light

If we don’t know by now babe, we will never know why, I drive on the dark side of the road

I wish there was something I could say, I wish you would call out my name but it is never the same

But I also wish you knew what I was thinking, and that it’s not at all what you make it out to be

You just want us to be lovers, you want us to pretend it’s all bright and light

But I just want to be free and stay away from the fright of seeing the light

 

But the truth be told, we never did talk too much, and we never did see the light

As you tried to change me, I offered to stay but you pushed me away, as we often fight

You didn’t like what I was thinking, so it could never be the same as we never shared the road

The light I never knew, living on the dark side of the road, was what set me free

It aint no use pretending babe, even as you turn on your light to make it bright, it could never be, the same for you and me

There is nothing you can say that makes it right, there is nothing you can do to make it bright

So pretending seems just like a waste of precious time, a time that has been so unkind

And as I drive off into the darkness, I hear you calling my name, but it’s just the same

As we never did talk too much anyways, we never got used to calling each other names and giving ourselves a chance to be one of the same

 

Where I am bound, it has no name, where I end up is all the same

I could have done better, I could have done it right, but then I would have left the dark and come into the light

From the dark end of the road, never wandering into the bright, I felt secured and tight

We never learned to share the load, we never knew what it was like to live in the light

It seems it was the life I was born with, it seems that I was always denied the light, but regardless how it ended, I always seemed to drive off in the middle of the night

 

But driving on the dark side of the road, allowed me a chance to learn and keep my heart light  

There was less fear of doing it right, and get away from this life I was born with, as time passed so quickly avoiding the light

And my love disappeared within the twinkling of an eye, let’s just enjoy it before we say goodbye, as it was never meant to be to stand out in the light

 

From the dark end of the road I can see much better, I can never do wrong, just get it right

From the bright side of the road, the future is not so bright or kind to me, so it seems a fright

And if I can’t find someone to share a song with, then let me by content and drive all night on the darker side of the road,

Where time stands still, and the moon is bright, leaving me alone again, but with the memory of our last time making love in the middle of the night