Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries with Difficult People

 

Tim Richardson

Life is not as complicated as we make it when we follow or establish some reasonable boundaries in our lifestyle, behaviors or choices. Boundaries are not about making threats or ultimatums. This is a process that determines choices, and consequences for good or bad decisions made. One cannot function in a wellness state of mind without boundaries.

Boundaries are space setters. It is an imaginable or intangible limit imposed between you and another person either in personal or professional relationships. What makes boundaries difficult to adhere to or follow is the fact that they are guided on your morality or values and not identified clearly by a razor wire fence or stakes in the ground telling you where you should go and how you should proceed. This places all the responsibilities on you, the gatekeeper of your mind and heart. Whether or not you cross that line and open that forbidden gate is entirely up to you.

Setting boundaries are invisible arrangements of rules which ensure your trustworthiness as well as those of others. Boundaries serve as tools for protection as well as comfort. It is a simple way of taking care of yourself in life. Good boundaries don’t always come easy and have to be learned the hard way sometimes. It can be easier if you could watch others cross boundaries and see what happens to them when they do but it just doesn’t work that way.

Therefore, the way you grow up sets up these boundaries and hopefully you learn from your mistakes and not repeat them as you define their consequences in your life. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then chances are you have not learned how to set a boundary or even really know what it is.

Learning to set our own healthy boundaries is an exercise in personal freedom. It means getting to know ourselves and increasing our awareness of where we stand and what we stand for. It means letting go of the unhealthy things or people in our lives so that we can grow into the healthy person that we were meant to be.

How to set boundaries requires the ability to communicate and communicate without blaming or lying about the circumstances, emotions or the impacts. Avoidance is not conducive to setting these parameters in your life and the better you detail your feelings, expectations and perspectives, the more effective these boundaries serve your purpose in life.

It is impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences. If you are setting boundaries in a relationship, it is important that your reactions and interactions are consistent with your values and expectations and if the other person(s) disregard your attitudes, then you need to confront them and tell them you cannot or will not tolerate such abuse of your values and not put up with it without taking the appropriate action to either redirect the relationship or terminate it.

A Reflection - Chance and Vision

A Reflection – Chances

More than a quarter of a century ago, I chose a profession that was considered to be the lowest rung on the criminal justice ladder. Hired on as a prison guard at a Santa Fe prison in New Mexico, just a few years after the second worst prison riot in the country had occurred, I learned the hard way that chance is the only legitimate way to prepare the mind.

I quickly learned that inside prisons, nothing just happens. There are many “flashes of insight” that warns us of the things that happen. It is by these insights, these precious moments of vision and understanding that produces the proper preparation that is the key to a successful career.

It is true, leaders must have vision and keen intuitive abilities to sense the presence of danger as well as calm. Under some of the best prison employees I trained to become a correctional officer and step up from being called or recognized as a prison guard.

This training, some formal and some very informal in nature exposed me to numerous key challenges for self-development and growth of the profession. At the same time, I was training, I learned to pay attention to my mentors’ instincts and intuition. It appeared they learned how to react to adversity or danger. I even took a formal education to seek that elusive degree in criminal justice.

The ability to synchronize feelings and emotions along with knowledge stepped up my abilities as well as those around me. After a dozen years of working in uniform, I transitioned from the line to the desk. Certainly, a step I have no regrets or qualms with as they helped me proliferate and promote those principles and ethics taught to me at the school of hard knocks.

My decision to leave the line for additional responsibilities as an administrator were cultivated by the position that required duties and responsibilities to ensure the safe and secure operation of an adult prison. It was true that many tasks and duties required were similar to the activities I was already doing.

Prison management is not and should never be performed in an evenly remote fashion. It requires a hands on approach that should focus on public and staff safety foremost.

The administering of duties and assure compliance in a very complex criminal justice field is critical to law and order. It also encompasses the very realm of human and civil rights that should never be ignored or trampled upon.

Currently, I get extreme satisfaction of my retirement and consulting in the business of prison best practices and offer my skills, knowledge and abilities to make the profession better and safer.

One could say that retirement has offered me an enormous satisfaction and opportunities for working in a relationship that focuses on research, training and other programs aimed at decreasing workplace violence, human right violations and the stabilization of civility within a hostile environment.

My compensation and blessings are achieved by listening and watching inspired individuals who want to excel in their career and leadership character.

From this view, I can speak with all individuals about the academics and benefits of the job – I often think to myself, coming up through the ranks as a rookie prison guard evolving in a professional correctional officer.

No longer a prison guard, and climbing the ladder as designed by opportunities and chances that gave me the vision to make something good happen in the lives of others and my own.

Religion - Faith drives Doctrines and Conflicts

The Power of Inspiration and the

Creation of Doctrines & Conflict

 

In order to acquire knowledge, one must possess inspiration for in a very poetic manner, inspiration bring us character – an individual trait exclusive to person, place or thing, and is figurative, vague and indefinite. Therefore, when men are inspired they rise about the philosophy of life and focus on the advanced forms of thinking.

Thus we create a religion or a way of life that rises above dreaming and verses. Inspiration shapes character, attitudes and works steadily towards the desire to find the ultimate realities of life. In many ways, the ultimate reality of life exceeds the limitations of man. It moves entire religions or societies to enlarge personal or philosophical claims and bring prosperity and satisfaction. Yet, in its simplistic terms, it is all relative to the time and space we occupy.

Secondly, the application of philosophy creates a logical method to create a religion. Since there are no laws applied to the spirit of philosophy, it becomes a free inquiry and open to many assumptions and ideas. Eventually, these ideas can be converted to deeds or actions that create the staple of the religion as it eliminates the critical assumptions from the uncritical ones, cleansing the process to develop the path to faith.

After all, the essence of any religion is the foundation of faith; and faith, like anything living, sees its presence in a trackless wandering manner that is unattended by intellect which in time and practice, develop a spirit or heart of a man and creates an invisible wealth inside him.

Although facing the ultimate reality, faith is nothing more than a feeling. It has cognitive content and may exist in opposing men or parties. Such division of faith creates different religions. Apart from the idea of this religion, there becomes a need to establish a doctrine for such ideas to guide behaviors and rituals connected to the links of the tracks of the invisible faith. Such doctrines become truths and vowed upon by those believing, to be the ultimate reality of life.

Eventually men establish a system of general truths which have the effect of transforming the desired character when they are sincerely held and vividly apprehended by those ideals now turned into deeds.

This cycle of inspiration has created process of transformation and guides man’s inner and outer souls.  That is the primary aim of religion; that is the obvious desire of establishing general truths and embody it into the designed doctrines. Ultimately, it is settled on to be the truth.

This is where there is conflict with truth and science. No one doubts faith and the resulting doctrines based on philosophical principles. In the process, religion stands in greater need of a rational foundation of its ultimate principles than even the dogmas of science sometimes creating conflicts.

One cannot rationalize faith – for to rationalize faith would be contradictory to the philosophy imposed or implied. Doubt would cast an individual’s faith in the religion and be judged either unfit or misaligned with such doctrines. If one was to not submit to their own free thinking, they would have to blindly follow a religion they do not agree with except in philosophical terms and not as a law.

Man has found the jurisdiction of philosophy except on its own terms. While sitting in judgement on religion, philosophy cannot give religion an inferior place among its data. Hence the conflict is everlasting unless one submits to the religious beliefs so mandated.

Religion is not an arbitrary position in the universe, either you believe in what you live or reject it. more seriously, it is neither departmental or proportional or a mere thought – it is based on character, attitude and deeds or actions. It is an expression of a whole man – not divided, however, based on different principles, mankind could find themselves at odds over the ideologies or doctrines involved.

This brings us to the modern times religion and faith. Once grasped as a custom, tradition or practice, it takes entire new doctrines to change the direction. Religion, although piecemealed through time, is progressively a works towards wholeness – a process that make take eternity. Man can only enjoy the faith and pleasures they have embraced to seek the inner peace of their own soul. These thoughts and intuitions drive their behaviors. Faith cannot stand still – it needs constant rejuvenation and seeks visions of the same reality that reveals itself in time and space as well as how they live in accordance with their function in life.

Nor is there any reason to suppose that thought and intuition are essentially opposed to each other. They spring up from the same root and complement each other. The one grasps religious piecemeal, the other grasps it in its wholeness. The one fixes its gaze on the eternal, the other on the temporal aspect of the reality that surrounds them.

This is the process when man searches for a rational foundation in their religion. Best described as the constant works of later formed mystics, visions and successive chapters in the history of their culture, customs and practices with a desired spirit to establish a coherent system of doctrines based on those ideas and spirits devoted to seek the truth gathered from various theological movements around them.

Preface - Mass Muslim Immigration

A major issue has been brought to the media’s attention how the current immigration of Muslims, who practice Islam, and who are experiencing difficulties in their assimilation in new environments not similar to their own native customs and practices. We have witnessed a disaccord with the universe as their means to live by their Quran is much different than other religions who base their beliefs on “deeds” rather than “ideologies” making it more concrete in structure and process.

In my opinion, the mass immigration attempts by non-Muslim countries and governments have produced quantities of failures. Failures that identify the distinct differences in the religion, culture and practices of Islam compared to the other religions of the world as well as governmental influences. Europe is currently experiencing a tremendous trauma on the integration of immigrants because they underestimated the influence of the masses.

Modern man cannot possibly assimilate these forces organically. They are unable to experience the exact influences, pressures and stress that emphasizes deeds and actions rather than compliance to the universe around them. The conflict to conform is too deep to ask them to change to the modern ways and leave their Sharia and Quran behind – they will refuse to abandon any part of their heritage and nationality, race, creed or culture.

Although mankind has tried to conform beliefs in the past, they have failed to convert the masses when in fact, Islam is the largest religion on Earth. Ultimately, logic or common sense predicts that if the world wants peace, they will have to conform to Islam to allow the existence of religious faith to rest making the world one religion, one faith and one God, Allah.

Islam did not foster its ideas or deeds in the same amount of time Christianity formed. In fact, one vital fact to accept is the acceptance of historical developing habits of Islam and how it governs daily life with habits that appear to run contrary to most other religions as its formation during the earlier stages of life and the world, appears to have taken a firm hold in the thoughts of those who believe this is the only religion acceptable to worship and accept as the true faith.

I further suspect that there are other elements such as illiteracy, confusion, educational barriers, and other culturally developed “habits” that have no doubt rendered the religion to be misunderstood by “outsiders” and therefore generates conflict and eventually, wars. Thus we are dealing with an illusion of liabilities which is in fact, the true religion and how that religion is to be performed or carried out.

Inspiration is a powerful tool as is the passion to seek the truth for facts or happiness. Owning to the fact there are mass influences of ignorance amongst the modern minds who refuse to learn more about Islam, there are stigmas and stereotypes to overcome the latter-day and the modern-day perceptions of Islam. One can imagine, over the term of hundreds of years, it has fostered more hate and violence than it has peace as Islam, ironically has been commonly been referred to as the religion of peace.

Unless one can receive their own fresh or free inspiration from Islam, there is no human means to convey what the religions feels like or how it shapes and directs the evolution of this religious experience as a convert or original believer. The schools of thoughts have poisoned wells that incite disillusion and mix hatred and vitriol messages amongst those who seek to understand it and vice versa, those who live it and now attacked for their religious beliefs.

This incapacity to receive fresh or clean thoughts of cultural concepts and behaviors impedes assimilation both ways. Complicated by modern thought and experience, the communication is often impaired and misunderstood. One could cite one direct conflict after the other as we discuss “creation and resurrection” and refer to the existence of Jesus Christ to begin the dialogue. Embodied in many verses in the Christianity of beliefs, there is no such existence in the Quran.

It is reasonable when discussed, this provokes a kind of biological unity among people causing a divide and isolation problem. This method of indifference to theology can and has provoked violent reactions and psychological manipulation to make one more powerful or influential than the other. It’s an unhealthy competition that usually results in failures to find religious harmony. Can one imagine trying to convert a Muslim to Christianity when their own laws dictate Islam is a major element of their existence?

Why would they abandon their own existence and take on a new unproven faith and fail as well as risk the ostracized and isolation of their own family members and cultural groups. The price is too high to pay for such a change to another faith and totally disregards their freedoms, safety and security in their lifestyle and behaviors. Human knowledge of religion is unforgiving. It is concrete and set in stone for many.

As a result of such risks and criticism internally or externally, the change cannot be necessitated or performed successfully unless all ties are completely severed. This is not based on materialistic needs but rather, a religious philosophy rooted in traditions of Islam and its ancient and modern developments.

Unfortunately, this criticism is not limited to Islam; there is enough internal politicking within their own religious organizations to cause even more conflict and misunderstandings. It seems, due to biases, bigotry and an obvious level of vitriol, any chance of harmony is quickly dissipating or disappearing. It would be a surprise to find successful assimilation models that reflect mutual harmonies without one group dominating the other.

Nativism is alive and resurgent in many communities that have been designated to be immigration points of arrival. There is a blatant refusal to accept anyone who practices Islam as the fear factor dominates the educational aspect of the topic or natural finality that such a merging is unacceptable or impossible.

Human nature has developed natural enemies of the unknown or untried practices within a community or country. We have learned to criticize before learning.

Our finality in philosophical thinking is impaired by distorted truths or perceptions fostered, manipulated or fabricated by a psyops methodology subvert implanted in our media, our schools and communities to wart-off any attempts to assimilate successfully. This refusal to accept fresh avenues of other views has been blocked and presented with louder but less sound views that those words and views set in those parable and lectures of the good book or Holy Bible.

Hence our duty is to be careful and not feed the devil with his own desire to hate and cause pain in the world. Our duty is carefully to watch the progress of human thought, and to maintain an independent critical attitude towards it so that peace will prevail in the end rather than work so hard to end the world.

Is being unpopular a bad thing?

Perspective – is Being Unpopular a Bad thing?

Being anti-establishment or being recognized or tagged as a person who is going against the flow, has serious consequences especially if you are looking to be socially acceptable in a politically correct circle. These unkind, brutal and vitriol attacks are relentlessly hurled to demean your position, ideas or opinions. However, there must be something legitimate to this kind of assault on your character that is worth examining.

Being loathed, hated or despised by others has some backdrafts but it perfectly validates how people act when you do not agree with them in ideology or agenda making it more difficult for you to be heard or seen as a credible source to provide further information. The fact these people work so hard to hate you is an indicator that there must be something legitimate about you.

In reality there is no enigma as to why you would be hated so much. When you are attacked personally it demonstrates there is a worry or concern attached to what you have to say. What is important is to judge for yourself whether this is a good thing or bad thing and adjust accordingly.

Now ask yourself this question: what is it about my professed and unjustified harangue, values or criticism that worries them so much?  Where is the morality in this conflict and are your ideas worthy of standing up for or is there room for a compromise? Will a compromise misalign your own values and morality and is the price paid worth such a conciliation?

Is it worth a belligerent fight and defend your ideas as a whole or can you position align with theirs without losing your core values or do you do what it takes to advance your own ideas to serve the cause?

Is it possible for you to remain intellectually positive and contributing to the cause as long as you don’t surrender your core values and not alter the outcome of your position? Do you have enough leverage and legitimate tools to persuade against harmful actions or harmful practices against your cause?

If your goal is to be respected, considered smart and informed, serious and productive, you have to make sure you have the leverage to have your plan or position heard and considered for action in a meaningful way. Modern-day people, influenced by social media, corporate greed and selfish motives, are not willing to compromise on anything.

Why do good people suffer more than bad people - or do they?

Why “Bad People” make Good People Suffer?

 

Ever had that feeling why bad people seem to have good things happen to them and the good, like yourself, appear to be suffering more than others. A difficult question to answer but I am guessing there are some specific dynamics attached to such cases. One has to first believe that bad people don’t suffer as much as good people. In my opinion, that would be hard to prove.

We all know when bad things happen, we feel that fate has betrayed us when in fact, we are trying to do what is good. This often results in a disproportionate feeling of despair and stress. We tend to feel that the bad persons have been spared the cruelty we suffer. The first thing we have to do is stop the comparison. It serves no purpose to bicker or argue about it. We don’t always have all the facts of the situation to worry about it.

We are often so wrapped up in our own torment we never see the other side and this disconnect hides what we believe is the suffering of self but not others. We should learn to accept the fact that all people, regardless good or evil, have their own share of troubles. Since it is natural to feel the need to know that we are better off than the others, it still doesn’t make it any more sensible to worry about it.

So comparing suffering is senseless or useless as we have to determine what it is that makes it easier for bad people to cope with adversity or bad things happening to you or them. Just because you think they don’t suffer, it doesn’t make life easier as we tend to generalize things to the point we try to cover all experiences under one umbrella. Thinking bad people have a lack of conscience is one way to see it, however, that may be untrue in some cases.

In my own opinion, even if I perceive someone to be evil that doesn’t mean they don’t experience or feel emotional pain or the sting of failure like I do. Simply put, they may choose to remain quiet about it or refuse to discuss it in public. This brings up attitude and how we handle adversity. Some of us think they (bad people) have it easier because they don’t suffer the emotional cost we do. In other words, they downplay the impact or deny it even exists.

It may be their strengths to deal with adversity is stronger than yours and gives others the impression they don’t care and pretend not to be set back or offended by the negativity and move on with their lives. I know it’s cliché but even bad people suffer – whether you see or feel it or not, we don’t know the full impact.

They may not wear their emotions on their sleeve and not show grief or suffering. Some spare an embarrassment if they display what they believe is a weakness in character and this itself causes misunderstandings. Their reactions may be cold and unemotional compared to the good person who shows they feel the crushing pain, tears in their eyes and trembling knees or lips showing a lot of emotion. Who is to tell, which one is more genuine or sincere? The answer can only be known to their inner self.

Thus whether we are good or evil, we all share commonalities but choose to show it differently in public or in life. We all suffer, and we all experience regrets. We move on in some cases, and we stall in the past on other predicaments. We must recognize we deal with grief differently. Some show a rather masochistically behavior and others appear cold and numb showing no anguish or suffering on the outside. The key root is regret and how you deal with it. If you can accept the loss or discontent without excessive emotion, the chances of moving on are greater than those who stall in the past.

Realize that life is not easy. There will be pain and sorrow. There will be dents in your armor, scars on your skin or inside your head but wear them with knowing the fact that you had the courage to keep moving and avoid any further suffering. Life offers you more than you realize if you just get away from self-pity and find the beauty of living.

Yoda, the Black Cat

Yoda, the Black Cat

I love animals. Animals such as dogs, cats, birds, reptiles and many others. I have loved animals from a very early age as my mother taught me to respect and take care of small animals who depend on us for their care and safety. I have had many small animals ranging from large breeds such as Rottweilers, Doberman Pinchers and German Shepherds to little pets or kittens, beautiful black kittens.

His name was Yoda because he had the ears of the Yoda in Star Wars. I was especially fond of this cat as it had a spirited personality that I found to be intoxicating in nature and sometimes very unpredictable or spooky. Yoda was very particular who he let pet him. He avoided certain people for reasons I don’t know but trust his instincts were better than mine. There were times when I panicked as he just up and bit or clawed someone without warning. His fits of rage appeared to be his expression of disgust or rejections.

This cat was smart and knew when to hide or come out to cause terror. It was a symbol of inspiration and courage yet it was a source of frequent irritation. This black cat was possessed with a spirit of perverseness. Sometimes evil in behavior and yet so loving when it wanted to be loved. Nobody knew what his mood would be from day to day but his spirit kept us happy being around us. He was a vigilant cat, a sentinel type of black cat with a keen sense of trouble and danger.

His perverse actions were comical and also worrisome. We had to make sure our visitors were warned of its denunciation of strangers and diverse split personality. A healthy cat, it never got sick or bring about any illnesses even when it went out to the fields behind the house to catch some mice. In my own imagination, I pictured Yoda as a sorcerer with black magic. I say this because of its personality and black cat superstitions.

Yoda brought to mind Edgar Allen Poe and his cat poems as it prompted me to see the fits and intemperance and violence he possessed. At one point, I believed that other than myself and immediate family, everything else angered him.

He was like a malevolent warlock on the loose symbolic of a reckless path of wrath and perverted impressions, blind to the eyes of his owners but very clearly seen or demonstrated to strangers. His antagonistic personality brought humor to us but inflicted much pain on those he distrusted or subjected to his own brand of terror.

Fire in the Sky

Islands of Fire in the Arizona Sky

 

Awakening up in Arizona brings about a restlessness to the mind as it is lit up by those capacious islands of fire in the blue

Even those exotic worlds from afar, cannot compete with those high floating sky islands that brings us an everlasting splendor to every day of our lives

These aerial archipelago wonders stealthily tell us how to light our fire inside our souls and make us see who we attempt to want to be

Touching our spines to come alive and bring us the heat of flames that drives our passions rattling our souls to come alive

Sometimes, a rare moment indeed, a highland mountain top can temporarily capture these high floating fog shrouded clouds and make them slow down for only a moment

But eventually, it breaks loose and endures its journey to wherever the gently winds can take these isles of spirits and fervor

Scattered from the great basins of southwest deserts, they reach from the tips of heaven all the way to the Pacific Ocean with an effortless flight

From where I am standing, I can see other such floating islets of fire above the parched Arizona desert, promising only more beauty to arise as they meet high above the desert powder

Bringing with them a crisp cool feeling in the air, that brings a mental calmness any human can bare and cause them to go out and seek an adventure wherever they dare

As this air of wilderness mixes with the rose-colored sunrise and the weakening fading and tumbling moonlight slowing dipping from the horizontal view

These soft pillows of silkiness caress the mountain summits with love and caring affection, telling us they will remain there only for so long as time permits, and give us a blissful feeling

As the whispering wind is gently blowing and beyond the western horizon, a storm is brewing and soon, these islands of fire will vanish, leaving us with an emotional reeling

Preparing us for another day under these floating clouds that leaves us with restless vapors that no man can resist as it stimulates the blood and pumps the heart with the energy required

To meet the passions of these stirring currents high above our heads, giving us the light, and motivating us with energy and spirit to make our day even more optimistic.

Writing is an exercise for your mind

Why do I write

I don’t believe in being politically correct and I have a hard time accepting evolution but stand ready to commit to revolution of basic common sense and logic. I know that someday I will leave this world and I doubt very seriously I am coming back as a cat thus I don’t believe in reincarnation or biological evolution. No disrespect to Darwinism but I have my own thoughts on that matter.

However, I do believe in God our Creator and without a doubt, I pray on a regular basis for peace, kindness, and compassion. Not just for those who are poor or unfortunate in their own ways but for my friends, family and strangers.

I love my coffee in the morning and am even tempted to drink a hot cup or two at night. It is not unusual for me to dunk a donut or cinnamon roll when relaxing with a cup in my hand either in bed or at the kitchen table. I sometimes blurt out words, and sometimes fart in public when its impolite or people around but I don’t kiss or lick anyone ass for I believe that it’s not necessary to do so when you are already grown up and free to think or act the manner I wish.

I don’t believe in reincarnation. Once we leave this world, there’s no coming back. Oh that’s right, I already said that. I have never met a person who I liked right from the start or first impression. All my best friends are people who are called difficult people by others.

Thus, if you paid attention so far, I am less than perfect. I have been told by many that even the best aren’t perfect. I like t write, and blog feverishly to get my thoughts out there on the web. Yes, granted, I’d rather be an Edgar Allen Poe or a William Shakespeare or a T. S. Elliot or an almost forgotten Socrates in terms of artistic ability and professional recognition than shoving my poetry down someone’s throat for a few coins on Google Plus or posted flyers out on a street intersection.

I am aware that Rome wasn’t built in a day, El Chapo, the infamous drug lord, didn’t walk out of that Mexican maximum security prison on his good looks alone, and am fed up with the ‘lives that matter’ malady that has swept the country. Nobody needs to convince himself or herself who are important and who really matters – we are all connected and equally important. Anything else is a delusion of one’s self-importance and sheep like thinking.

Writing is an art and whether my art is kindergarten variety or novice or expert level is up to the reader’s own view and joy of what they read. I pretend to have talent and skill and hope someday it becomes worth the nickel I have spent trying to learn the art. In all reality, I started writing late in the years as I thought I had a natural ability to communicate effectively. It was certainly not something I was born with nor has it been perfected. In fact, it is far from perfect.

I know I need to spend lots and lots of time developing relentlessly over the rest of my lifetime to encourage other people to recognize my so-called talent so I can actually make a living applying it as a profession but I am not holding my breath in thinking I will meet the ‘once upon a time’ introduction line of a famous writer.

I write what I think. I write what I think is an important point to make or think about. I indulge in writing poems, prose, short stories and books or manuscripts just to pass the time and not make a living. In my own justification, I think what I have chosen to do is an extremely healthy indulgence to my allegiance to do what a lot of other people want to do but never pick up the time to do so.

I possess a supreme level of self-confidence that is most imaginable in size or content because I write mainly for myself and therefore, I please only myself in the process. If this leaks over to others, the blessings are only so much greater. I do it for free, but most of us know, nothing is free so where the sacrifice is made or how the cost is incurred, only time will tell. Everything worthwhile can only truly be gained through hard work.

So, now having revealed my obsession to write what I feel driven to write, yes I am crazy. Each time I write something, it brings me that much closer to my goals of becoming a self-respected author that others will one day (maybe–hopefully?) say, oh yeah…I knew that worthless bum when he wrote that nutty blog on Google+!

Some people go to the gym to exercise. For me, writing is like any other kind of exercise. I put sufficient time in to get the desired results and realize that no matter how hard I workout, it may never manifest to the levels of expectations. To me, it doesn’t matter if I am famous or not, my satisfaction is based on thinking really strenuous thoughts about how to write something impressive as they are.

Bottom line, I write because I love to write. I need to write. Writing is as much a part of me as my body or as the serious crush I had on my 11th grade English teacher (oh God was she amazing….). life is about passion and the release of my thoughts on pen or paper is my contribution to civilization whether it accepts it or not.

Where am I

Where Am I

 

Sitting on the mountain top, I watched the lightening flash in the east as I looked north towards Santa Fe. Like a Fourth of July fireworks show, the thunder rumbled a post-humorous threat of the living.

I looked for shelter as the thunder came closer and the lightening became frightening, the wind blew hard and the rain poured sideways drenching me quickly.

It was like Mother Nature was giving me a rumbling warning. As it growled from the distance far away, traveling at the speed of sound ending right there oh so far yet still so near, I found a rock house, solid granite and centuries old, it kept me dry from the higher order in the sky although the roof had large chasms of cracks.

The darkness hid the fear that the thunder and lightning brought to me as I stand up about a mile high up in the air. The rock house was a trustworthy dwelling made by men who cut the rock with a piece of steel and gave me a point of observation to see the valley down below oh so very clear.

Even in the pouring rain, the lights of the city shimmer through the clouds as thunder clapped and echoed loudly throughout the mountain side as lightening flashed again and the thunder rattled the ground below my feet.

The rumble crushed the silence, the thunder turned the pine needles on the trees abundant all around as the fog approaches as the rain has stopped as the saturated wetness settled on the ground.

A cleansing shower, a pouring rain, all of a sudden, the thunder and lightning went away as I had walked from the rock house to stand underneath a towering pine, pilings dropped on my head as the wind howled over my head, my feet standing in mud and water.

I found myself staring at the clearing sky as shadows crept near and the thunder rumbled out loud just for the very last time. The clearing clouds and the creeping fog created shadows on the trees around me as I could do nothing more than listen to the silence since the storm had passed and refreshed me once more.

As the stars came out, the moon was radiant, and the city lights began to glow brighter as I looked to the east where the lightning had begun and saw it rumbling towards Santa Fe way for its compass was never astray as it was guided by the ghostly light up in the sky soon to be covered with the black clouds from which the thunder had come.

We all make mistakes - honor them

Honor your Mistakes

 

Walking along the small dirt road surrounded by trees, I felt the hostilities around me, I could see the creatures around me. If it’s one thing nature has taught me well,

it is better to think than drink from the poisoned well. Leaving behind one final thought, it is better to love than to hate and go to hell.

Surrounded by fumes, fusses and dunes made of sand and glass. The sand piles up above my head, the air is thick and there is no green grass. As the sticky sap from the trees fall to the ground telling me to move along, I sense my spirit inside my soul, is calling out my name. For my heart has become stale and leaving me for almost dead and never ever feeling the same.

Nature has more than one color as everything is not green. Walking into the woods alone has given me a chance to dream. Around me the sounds of animals rising to take a peek, and without the wrath of nature’s creatures on my mind. I walk alone inside the forest doing my own time, and wisdom and patience I seek.

Filled with anger, agonies and pain of the days before, my gaudy mind has taken me astray, leaving me blank. Draining my heart more quickly than it can refill leaving me with less doubt I can ever make it any more. My body tumbles down to the forest floor where moss and fern softens the fall. While more and more the better I can see, the closer I get to the ground. I’m headed in the wrong direction for you and me, it seems my wisdom I may have just found.

So as I realize Mother Nature can no longer guide me here or there, I know I am on my own, as my soul learns to bare and share. That when some people leave you, because they just don’t care. You are grateful of the things you have, as no one should be alone, as you walk halfway through wood knowing that no one is truly alone.

No one is alone, no matter what you think or make up your mind and act on you know of what is true. Sometimes people leave you to give you this quality time

You have to decide what’s right or wrong, it’s the right thing to do, and find your way back to the things that makes it right thus making you strong. You decide what good or bad, recollecting all the positive things you had. As long as you realize the blessings you truly possess, were received by the goodness in your heart.

Racial Segregation in the ADOC

Tucson Weekly

 

Racial segregation has always been a tool of housing wherever you go at the ten state prisons - I know because as a newly arrived deputy warden from New Mexico, I was taught by the ADOC policy to house by race-and housing officers tagged cells with color coded information and inmate photographs to ensure there was no racial mixing in their assignments. Any mix of race had to be approved by the COIV or higher and circumstances had to be explained.

Dormitories were integrated but not like you think - they had all the blacks in the back and the whites in the front of the dorm runs - Hispanics were randomly inserted to break the line - used as a buffer - they still bunked them by race and the chart or housing layout showed a balance of blacks, Hispanics and Whites according to their overall population and not necessarily the specific dormitory or run meaning that t any time, the run could have more of one race than the others (which is a control mechanism by DOC) but overall of the population, it balances itself out with the totality, not the individual dorms.

After 2009, this practice eased up and became a little bit more balanced realistically but still not in job assignments. It is still, today, even with the integrated housing plan in motion, a segregated world based on race, color and ethnic background.

Accordingly, gangs form for protection purposes and the problem becomes exponentially worse as this friction and conflict escalates at times due to unfair practices or motives. Today, inmates may voluntarily participate in the integrated housing program but stand to receive peer pressure from their own race if they accept mixed housing assignments discouraging such steps to be effective. Fear of retaliation or intimidation by race leaders is dominantly present to keep the races together as a unit and not mixed as the ADOC is proposing.

This fear was created by the ADOC administration not the correctional officers as their protective custody needs are being ignored when threatened and assaulted as a result of being denied protection or transfer to alternative housing a different yard. As always, there are exceptions to the rule and some places, like Douglas, Safford and smaller remote units, it works well usually at the lower custody levels where there is more work and programs to keep the tension down and the conflict at a minimum.

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New Mexico Ghost Town

Passing Through a New Mexico Ghost Town -

 

The blazing hot sun peeked over the mountains, as the turquoise sky turned gold from the rising desert heat. My silver rimmed Oakley, shading my eyes from the bright New Mexico sky, I felt my grip on the steering wheel tightening as I approached the desolate town with no name to give it any fame and where once in history, a load of silver came.

Exhausted from driving all night long, looking for a place to eat and sleep, my delirious mind kicked in hallucinations that insomnia brings along with the feeling of being dead. Everything spins as my mind searches for some sanity in this crazy desert town without a name and where I so suddenly found a reason to stop to keep from going insane.

The white sand shimmers with the heat casting a shadow on the mirage of a pool of water in the middle of the road. Screeching brakes on my black colored Mustang coupe, my tires smoked as I came to a sudden stop, as this woman dressed in black came out of nowhere.

My God, I said to myself, I must be asleep, for as the woman stepped closer, I realize she was nothing but an illusion of what I longed to have with me on this long and isolated journey.

Could this be a dream, and if it is, I shouldn’t stop. I tell you now, that woman dressed in black is really a cop. Now her face comes into view, as her badge shines brightly in my mirror. Her hand on her gun, her face grim, serious and not looking like she is having much fun.

Now her face shifts into different faces. A chameleon she was, as she gets closer to my car, she doesn’t look at all the same as she did afar. I looked up into the empty space of my rear view mirror as the lights flash brightly from afar; the red white and blue flashes brings me back to the days of driving one of these cars.

But in this strange place, miles from nowhere that has a name, there is gap between what I was seeing and what I was thinking. I tried to tell myself, that should have been me, driving that car behind me and as I thought about the cop now standing next to my ride, I could feel the heat from her stare as if she was wanting me to invite her inside.

She hands me a piece of paper; she tells me to sign my name so she can let me go. I say in a very low voice; how can you be real when I can’t see your face and who you really are. She takes off her mirrored glasses, her blue eyes rushed my mind like rain, and all of a sudden, I am no longer exhausted and feeling no pain.

I asked her where a man can find a place to eat and sleep with a voice sort of hollow but toned to be pleasant and civilized. I try to tell her I have driven all night and exhausted and not looking for a fight. She laughs, the way a sensuous woman would and standing there in the middle of the road, she invited me for breakfast and even offered to cook.

My head falls backwards, my eyes are heavy and shut slowly as my mind fell asleep there alongside of the road. When I woke up some hours later, the only thing I saw a long eared jackrabbit being chased by a scrawny coyote and not a sign of people, or movement on the road. For a moment, I thought about the woman, the cop and the flashing lights and suddenly I realized none of this was real.