Suicide is not Painless

Suicide is not Painless –

Suicide is the Pain inside before death comes

During my lifetime, there have been numerous occasions that suicide came to mind, but for some weird or illogically driven spiritual or ethical reason; although never committed to carry it out all the way and be successful at killing myself. One of the first questions people ask is ‘how would you do it?’ first things first, is the question posed, ‘why do it at all?’ Why would you kill yourself?’ The answers might surprise you unless you have found yourself inside that circle of fire, despair or self-pity. The reasons are abundant and not easy to pin down to just one to cure all inquisitions.

Some people has expressed suicide because they were lonely and loneliness is a killer for many. Contemplating a final act to die is not easy. It takes a lot of planning and courage, yet the oxymoron of this paradox of life and death is that is also perceived to be a cowardice to die. What is curious is how cultures perceive this final act to die in different perspectives and make it socially or religiously acceptable or unacceptable.

Many revealed their suicide thoughts were major around their puberty or adolescent years with a special focus on teenage trial periods. This is when they are literally sitting on the edge of life and death, not really knowing how to deal with their mixed emotions. One cannot accept the fact that suicide is the ‘easier way out’ when it is so hard to actually do and do it right. This isn’t about dramatics, this is about living or dying because of confusing signals, frustrations, depression, feelings of despair and other negative influences in one’ life.

Nobody likes to talk about it; ask questions about it and discuss the reasons except to defuse an ongoing or active scenario where the suicide has begun to act out or take place. When this happens, it is a very dangerous situation aside from the fact that you are dealing with faceless strangers, temporarily lost in their own world, and not recognizing you or anyone else as a source for help or relief of the inner pain that crushes your heart and breaks it apart. Make no bones about it, you never know how someone is going to act, when someone you're talking to is on the edge.

When things get so stressful and you want to escape, suicide has been known to cure this for once and for all times. The best defense to despair and stress or high levels of anxiety is to give that person hope; making them see or feel that there are solutions around the corner with the help of others and surge an inner spirit to be able to fight off any suicide urges with sheer willpower and a burning desire to live. To tell them it’s a wasteful terrible thing to do does not help the reasoning for living.

               

Suicides are high in teenagers, veterans, transgendered persons, elderly and others diagnosed with a serious mental illness or physical or medical disabilities. The list is endless and for each of them, they are all feeling desperate in times where their lives feels like a living hell. Personally, my life has touched base with many aspects of hopelessness, abandonment, guilt, loneliness and much more. I have never condoned the act of suicide but I understand the journey a person takes to commit to it; they journey is more pain than anyone can ever imagine. I have made partial journeys that brought me to the point of decision and my decision has been to remain among the living for the time being.

              

Erroneously, I thought of suicide as a basic form or relief, comfort for myself and others and knowing that finally, all that has happened will end. The older I get, the easier it is to accept death. The matter at hand is when, how and why it happens, I suspect that someday, my means to end it all might come to a reality between wanting to live and wanting to die. I also suspect the reason for such thoughts would be a ‘burden’ to others as your life is sustained on a partial but temporary level the older you get.

              

Then the other side of the paradigm is the loss and how it impacts those you love and who you feel are carrying the ‘burdens’ of your life by helping you go through the end of days with as much comfort, reasoning or understanding, as possible. This has been a positive deterrent for many who have loving spouses, family and friends who support them always. Not wanting to destroy what they have for you, you owe them to live and die a natural death. In this case, death is not an escape, it’s just not a justified reason to die anymore.

               

Life has a light switch that can make the perception light or dark – how you live, feel and rationalize whatever you have or deal with makes the trigger to turn the light on or off. As long as you live in the light, your life is meaningful, fulfilling and contributing those things you care for and the people you love. When your life goes dark, nothing else matters and the darkness gives you the courage to take a leap to the dark side without intentions of ever coming back into the light. For many, they are unable to find the light switch, one more time and turn the blackness into light. 

 Rationally, these thoughts won’t end anytime soon. Even rational people suffer from their own delusions. How it affects them will differ but many will find ways to keep up with life or let it go. Whether you stop eating, drinking or both, pop the pills, asphyxiation, hanging or shooting yourself -  you have kept your mind on doing it with some kind of Grace and Honor but in reality, you know that is all BS, as you grew up there was no Grace and no Honor in committing suicide.